Friday, September 9, 2011

9 week update

I'm currently 9 weeks and 3 days. I went to the RE for the very last time on Wednesday. He graduated us to a normal OB, and I've been putting off making that appointment because I'm just scared to see a new doctor. Our RE is completely incredible. He is the smartest, most selfless man I have ever met. Not to mention his staff. I swear, the office manager is one of the most unsung heroes I know. I've been meaning to write her a card and give her a giftcard to a restaurant or something to say thank you. As soon as I have enough energy to go to the store, that will happen.

Yesterday was the most exhausting day I have ever had. When I woke up, it hurt to roll over or even talk. It was just too much exertion. I managed to get to work and typing hurt. I stuck it out until 11:30 and took a long lunch. I slept for an hour and a half. Mr. woke me up and gave me some soup. I drank it down in about 5 minutes and fell asleep for another 15 until he told me I had to get up and go back to work. I made it to 5pm, came home, fell asleep on the couch after I ate a few bites of dinner and finally called it quits on the day at around 8. I trudged upstairs without even brushing my teeth and just crawled in bed.

I'm thrilled to say that today is much better.

Tuesday, we got to see our babes again. They are SO. DANG. CUTE! I always made fun of people for saying their ultrasound pictures are cute, but I get it. It's so amazing to me that that is MY body. You can see heads and arms and legs. The one on the left waved hello during the ultrasound. It was wonderful to see them when I wasn't still shocked that there were 2 in there, like at the 7 week ultrasound. I could just soak everything in.

Grow strong little gummy bears! We love you!

Friday, September 2, 2011

8 weeks

I've been having crazy dreams lately. Two nights ago, I had a dream that my older sister flat out kicked me in the stomach. I was livid and no one could understand why I would be so mad. I had a terrible day and started freaking out about losing one of the babies. Hormones are raging right now. The nice part of that, though, is that Mr. and I have been having all sorts of "fun". Yay hormones! I feel like it's a little "congrats you made it through IVF" present. I've been working hard to keep my head on straight, to remember that there is no reason for me to stress about losing a baby, and to find something, ANYTHING, that sounds good to eat.

"Morning" sickness is really night sickness for me. I feel queasy in the mornings, but nothing too terrible. But come night time, I am puking in everywhere from the kitchen sink to the bathtub. It's hilarious to be throwing up and laughing at the same time. Mr. didn't know whether to be happy about it or sympathetic to me the first few times it happened. We've now worked out a nice mix of happiness and sympathy.

I'm thrilled to be nauseous. My back already hurts. My chest is HUGE (which I always thought I'd like...not as great as I thought it would be). Every so often I get a terrible headache that nothing can fix. And overall, I'm just exhausted. All for good reason, though! Grow babies, Grow!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Bursting at the Seams

I can't believe everything that is happening. I didn't intend to write another chapter, but I want to shout the news to the world. I am seven weeks along today. We had our first ultrasound to make sure everything was measuring exactly as it should.

There are 2 little hearts beating under my own.


Two babies.

Could we be more blessed? I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Mr. took me out to lunch after the ultrasound to celebrate. I sat down at the table to wait for our food and he got us some waters. Across the crowded restaurant he looked at me and gave me the "Let's do this" smile. I was grinning from ear to ear.

Things are definitely changing quick around here. Two babies changes everything. My heart is about to burst. Car shopping, moving in December instead of May, figuring out finances, buying two of everything, thinking of fun ways to spend the next 3 weeks while keeping our two little secrets under wraps, etc.

I truly can't believe it.

I love you little baby a and little baby b. You are just perfect.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Results are In!

Neither of us slept last night. We woke up groggy and got ready for the day. We were doing a good job of avoiding the subject of the pregnancy test until about 11:30 when Mr. picked me up from work and drove to the clinic. We talked about his school projects on the way there.

The way my clinic works is that they do 2 Betas, but don't tell you the results of either until after your second one. So, Monday was my first. Today we received the results. When we walked into the clinic, my favorite nurse, Tonya, asked me how I was feeling. I said, "Trying not to be scared out of my mind."

Tonya said, "Oh, I'm just so excited for you two."

That really lifted my spirits. She knew the results from my first beta, and I knew she wouldn't have said that if the first one wasn't good.

We went back to get the blood draw. The nurse tried my left arm...nothing. She tried again...nothing. I made a comment about how I didn't even think about drinking a ton of water this morning. I've never had a nurse try more than once to get a successful blood draw! She asked if I was nervous, because that can cause the veins to constrict. I laughed and told her I'd try to relax. She used a smaller needle on my other arm and finally got the blood she needed.

Mr. and I left the clinic holding hands. His palms were already sweating, and I was all sorts of woozy which I don't attribute entirely to the multiple stabs with the needle. We went to Wendy's for some dollar menu nourishment and he dropped me off at a friend's house to take newborn pictures of their little boy. (I'm in no way a good photographer, but I sure can edit!) I took pictures for about an hour, and the new mom took me back to work.

I went to put my phone on ring so I would hear the clinic when they called and I already had a voicemail from them! My heart started pounding. I dialed the voicemail.

"Hi. This is Tonya at Dr. Foulk's office. I just wanted to call you and let you know that we have some..."

And then the message cut off. I stared at my phone in disbelief. Some what?! Good news? Bad news?

I walked out into the hallway (I share an office) and called them back. Tonya picked right up and I waited while she pulled up my results on the computer. Then, really quietly, she said, "First off, I just want to say Congratulations. You're pregnant."

I went completely numb. I just cried and cried and asked her if she was serious over and over again. Then she gave me the numbers. I am 4 weeks 1 day pregnant. My first beta was 123, my second was 330. It more than doubled! She said we have some really strong numbers going into this, which puts my heart at ease. These little babies mean so much to me already. I wish we knew how many were in there!

I immediately texted my friend who was planning on helping me tell Mr. the news. I tried to focus through the rest of my work day until she got there to pick me up around 5.

Once she got there, she gave me a card. This is a friend who has been trying to have a baby for over 4 years now. I knew she wanted to celebrate with me, but I was worried about her feelings. The card, I thought, was her way of showing me how happy she was for me. She told me she wanted me to read it before we went anywhere. I plowed through it as quickly as I could. At the very end it said, "One more thing sweet baby...You're going to have a friend to play with you as soon as you get here...due just weeks before you." My jaw dropped. There is NOTHING that could have made this day better. My sweet friend and I are expecting. Take that infertility!

We swapped stories all the way to the mall. I still don't know how she conceived. She is almost 7 weeks along. Both her and her husband have infertility issues. Statistics say it was impossible, but clearly our God is a God of miracles.

Once we got to the mall, we both stood outside of Gymboree and just looked inside. It felt so weird to be walking in there. For so long, stores like that have brought us such serious sadness, and now here we were looking through the racks with excitement for BOTH of us! I picked out a little onesie with two beavers on it wearing thick glasses. Underneath it said "smart like dad."

On the way to Mr.'s class, I was nervous. We talked about symptoms, worries, excitement, etc. but once we parked, my heart was in my throat. She mentioned how she was so nervous for me it was giving her cramps. I laughed. What were we nervous for? He was going to be thrilled!

We got to the hallway outside his class and asked a janitor to go inside and tell him there was an important message for him outside. Another random girl filmed the whole thing on my little digital camera. My friend, also a very talented photographer, brought her huge camera to capture the whole thing. Mr. walked through the door and I was standing there with the onesie.

We kissed and laughed and cried and hugged. Most of all, we exhaled for the first time in 2 and a half years. This was real. And it was really happening to us.

Mr. had to go back to class for about 20 more minutes and my friend and I went outside to take the first picture for my pregnancy album. She left. Mr. got out of class, and we went to Tucano's to celebrate. All you can eat, for a girl who's eating for 3 now? Yes, please!

We spent all of dinner talking about how to tell our parents. We told his parents first. He called his home phone and asked to talk to his mom. When she answered he asked if her and his dad could go in another room so they could be alone. He said it in such a depressing tone that surprised even me! Once they shut the door, he said, "well, we just wanted to call and let you know that we're pregnant!" They were so excited! His mom was sure it was a "no" because of Mr.'s tone earlier. It made me laugh.

Next up, we called his sister, who is a really talented photographer. She does all of our family pictures. I called her first and said, "Hey, I have a quick question for you. Would you mind taking some pictures of us for something? We're going to need a newborn session in April..."

You could hear the smile in her voice. "A newborn session? Should I be putting you on speaker phone?!"

I had texted my dad before all this, but I knew they were wakeboarding for at least another hour. I told him we had found a few cars we were interested in buying and wanted his opinion before we did anything. He got online to skype with us and we sent him the first picture from my pregnancy album, but titled it "Car1.jpg" Once it loaded he was so excited! It's so fun to tell these people who have been praying and hoping for us all this time. I asked him if he wouldn't mind getting my mom's opinion on our new "car". As soon as she walked in she screamed at the top of her lungs. She started crying and just said, "That's the best looking car I've ever seen."

Last up was my older sister. We called them and asked them for an opinion on this car, but I was too excited after talking to my mom so that kind of spilled the beans. Then, we had technical difficulties so they saw the picture before we were talking to them. It didn't matter though. Everyone was still just as excited by the time we got all the kinks ironed out!

It's hard not to tell everybody. We have a plan to tell our younger siblings next weekend in person. I have asked Mr. so many times if we can tell this person or that person. Most of my IVF friends know. Our very best friends don't know yet. But with news this exciting it's hard not to shout it to the world!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

This is It! - Mr.'s thoughts

This is it! Tomorrow is the big day. I feel like we have said that every night before each IUI, doctor's visit, the egg retrieval, and embryo transfer. Mrs. asked me to write about how I am feeling tonight - the night before we find out if we are pregnant from IVF. I am grateful she didn't request I minimize my feelings to one word because that would be impossible.

First, I am more confident than I have ever been throughout our struggle with infertility. For me, the scariest part was finding out if any eggs were fertilized. I was ecstatic when the doctor informed us that eggs had successfully fertilized. I was so relieved to learn that our baby making parts like each other, that my sperm are not as useless as I have been told, and that us creating life is even possible. So regardless of what news we hear tomorrow I am grateful to know that this process can and will happen again in the future.

I am excited. So many things have fallen into place throughout this process it just doesn't make sense for it not to work. The Lord has blessed us with more tender mercies than I could have ever imagined. Miracles occurred throughout this process and I feel so sure that the Lord is with us. Of course, this also causes me to doubt at times too. With how amazing this process has been, looking back on all the blessings we have received, I am not sure what I would think if this were NOT to work. But I am confident we will know what to do next.

I am scared for the possibility of pain. I can't deny that. However, I am much more hopeful and excited to find out if we are going to have a baby. I feel closer than we have ever been. I trust that we have done everything that we are able to do at this time. I know the doctor we have been working with is competent and gifted and is an instrument in the Lord's hand. As out of control as our lives have been the past seven weeks, I know the Lord has directed us every single day. Tomorrow I will be one step closer to making Mrs. a mom. Tomorrow I will be one step closer to being a dad. And we will be one step closer to growing our family however the Lord wants us to. I am going to sleep good tonight!


It all happens tomorrow. We find out if my babies are still growing inside of me. I am trying to picture two in there. It's not hard to do. I have gained a ton of weight in the past 10 days. My body is already not my own.  It is bruised and bulging and sore. I woke up today in such a great mood - a very welcome contrast to yesterday. Oddly enough, I am not scared today. I was terrified yesterday. Today, I feel great!

Positive thinking is all that's going on in my head right now. It's all I'm allowing in there. The thoughts today are largely based around the question, "What fun way am I going to tell Mr. he's going to be a Dad?"

It mostly depends on timing. If the clinic calls when he's in class, I'll probably do one thing. If they call later in the day, I'll do another. If they call while he's on break between classes, I'll be doing a whole other idea. Either way, I'm scheming today. I decided I am pregnant with twins until told otherwise, because I saw two little babies be placed back into me. It makes the planning fantastically fun! (and I don't feel guilty for feeling hopeful, which is a whole new feeling for me - like a breath of fresh air.)

Monday, August 1, 2011

The Clinic Knows...

...if I'm pregnant or not. I, on the other hand, have to wait 2 more days to find out.

This morning was really rough. There's no other way to describe it. I barely got out the door to go to work. I look terrible. I was pale and quiet in the staff meeting and then let my boss in on just how overwhelmed I am with everything going on. He was wonderful about it and transferred two major projects off my plate. I was feeling crampy (still kind of am) and it scared me so bad.

Mr. picked me up and drove me to the clinic for the blood draw. A woman with two kids shared the waiting room with us. I know eventually I will be the mother with two kids sitting in the fertility clinic waiting room hoping for a third, but today it just felt unfair. The blood draw took a couple seconds, tops. The nurse could tell I wasn't myself. She asked how I was feeling and I just said "nervous, and I've been having a lot of cramps." She made me feel a little better when she said, "Oh, that's probably a good thing. It could be implantation." I left the clinic with my hand in Mr.'s.

When we got to the car, he opened my door. Normally, I give him a quick peck on the lips and hop inside to pop his door open for him, but this time as soon as I looked up at him, he scooped me into his arms and just let me cry in the parking lot.

I think it finally hit me just how terrified I am. I need this to work so desperately. I can't imagine it not working. Our little babies were so strong and healthy when they were placed back into me and my uterine lining looked perfect, according to the doctor.

Please stick little babies.

Please. Please. Please.

Your dad and I would very much like to  meet you.