Friday, May 13, 2011

IUI #3: Things Get Interesting

I took the day off work yesterday to relax before our third IUI. I ate breakfast, browsed around on blogs for a while, learned a new hairstyle, and got dressed. Mr. and I ate lunch together got in the car, and ran back in the house about 3 times before we had everything we needed. Once we were on the road, our conversation turned to ways we could pay for IVF. We both knew this IUI wasn't going to work. We arrived at the clinic, and I gave Mr. the best kiss I knew how. Armed with these, he went to the back room to collect a sample. Because of last time, I knew that I needed to have my phone today. 

The minutes passed and I tried not to text Mr. in case things were going well. I still wanted to know what was going on. Suddenly, while I was flipping my phone open and closed, I answered a phone call without knowing it. It was the clinic. I was in their waiting room. Odd. The nurse on the other line told me that our Dr. had gone over our file and no longer recommended us going through with this 3rd IUI because our chances were so low (about 3%). He said that we could absolutely go through with this 3rd IUI if we wanted to, but that we needed to know that he didn't recommend it. He said we should save the money and put it toward IVF, because we have such a better chance with IVF. 

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to text Mr. in case things were going OK. I didn't want to make this decision by myself. 45 minutes passed and I sent Mr. a simple "I love you." 

No response.

5 minutes later: "I am stressed."

"You can do this. You are amazing and I love you so so much. No one else can do what you are doing. you're the most incredible, handsome, righteous man I know."

"Please come back here."

I walked into the room and gave him a hug. There are moments in marriage where you so desperately need each other. The love between the two of us was tangible. I live for moments like that. That feeling at that intensity has only happened one other time in our marriage. Oh they are sweet. 

I hesitated to relay what the doctor said because I didn't know how Mr. would take it. Once I said, "The Dr. says he doesn't recommend us doing this today." I felt like an angel coming to relieve my sweet husband's pain. We hugged and cried and discussed what perfect timing this was. What are the odds that the nurse, who had no idea that we were even in the clinic today, would call and tell us that right at the right time? 

We had made our decision. I walked out to find a nurse to discuss moving forward with IVF with. Mr. cleaned up and met us in "Exam Room 2." The next hour was spent scheduling, discussing medications, procedures, tests we need to get done, and financing options. 

We left that clinic on such a high! We were cleared for IVF this summer. THIS SUMMER! Before, we had treated IUI #3 as a necessary evil in order for our Dr. to consider us for IVF. We both knew it wasn't going to work. It was just a waste of time, money, hope, and prayers. 

We have an appointment in 2 weeks to get scheduled and on birth control to get things moving! I've never been so excited and terrified at the same time in my life. But oh, how sweet it is to be in this with Mr. He is one incredible man. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Here we go again...

(positive ovulation test today! 3rd & final IUI attempt tomorrow or Friday)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Oh Mother's Day

I know I'm not the only one in the infertility blogosphere that really wasn't looking forward to Mother's Day this year. I will admit, though, that I was really surprised with how completely wonderful yesterday was! Mr. spoiled me like crazy. I had a hard time even remembering that I don't have any children on this Earth yet. My favorite part of the day, though, was reading the card that my sweet Mr. wrote to me. He included this quote:

"You will see the time when you will have millions of children around you. If you are faithful to your covenants, you will be mothers of nations. You will become Eves to earths like this, and when you have assisted in peopling one earth, there are millions of others still in the course of creation. And when they have endured a thousand million times longer than this earth, it is only as it were at the beginning of your creation." 

-Spencer W. Kimball

And I was comforted. And I was strengthened. And I was reminded that I married the perfect man for me. And I remembered just how short this life really is. And I was motivated to endure it well. 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

One Meeting Later

First off, I have to say THANK YOU to those of you who have stopped by and commented! I didn't even know anyone knew this blog existed. The kind words of strength and support from you have buoyed me up on more than one occasion, so thank you for taking the time to visit me here and empathize with us. 

Yesterday, we got to meet with a financial advisor. I was NOT in a good mood about it. I had had a long day at work and was not interested in going to meet with a guy who was only interested in selling us something we didn't need, or hadn't done enough research on to decide if we needed it or not. Boy, was I wrong! We got into the elevator and took it to the 3rd floor. I was still angry. Mr. likes making out in elevators. I normally like it too. Yesterday, I wasn't interested. I didn't want to be there.

We met the advisor at the door and he walked us back to a conference room. After some short introductions, we dove right in to our plans for the next 40 years. We covered the basics, and then we dropped the infertility bomb. Because of our situation, we need to be keeping a lot more in savings. We probably won't be buying a home when all of our peers are buying homes. We probably will need to have a serious plan for saving up for missions or education for our children. But the advisor took it all in stride. He treated our unique financial situation like just one more thing to think about when making our overall plan.

And then it struck me, this is just a thing. Our infertility gives us a few different cards to play with, but they're our cards. It's the hand we've been dealt and it's nothing a little extra planning can't fix. (the financial side of things anyway. The emotional side of things is a completely other story!) I've been moping around because we will be living in apartments for what seems like forever. We probably won't be able to buy a car, even though we really need one. We will be scrimping and saving for a long, long while. But if we are smart now, we can plan for our future just like everyone else. We are starting earlier than most. $100 to us now is so much more valuable as an investment than it is in our pocket.

We talked for 90 minutes and not once was there a sales pitch. He asked us what we would like to cover next week and told us up front that he is paid on commission, but that he would not be selling us products. I loved that he wasn't sneaky about things. It was completely transparent. Completely different than any other firm I've met with. He was empathetic to our dream of starting a family, he got all jazzed right along with us when he started putting pieces together to make the financial side of things a huge possibility. He took into account our need for a car, how my benefits at work will be of greatest value to us, how to cover ourselves and maintain our financial independence while still being able to meet the $25K requirement for in-vitro. This man loves his job. And he has figured out that the money side of things will come if he just takes care of his clients.

Some of you will probably think we got schmoozed, but not one cent left our wallets. And he assured us that our money would probably stay in our wallets during our next meeting too. And the value of our discussion was much, much more than we could have imagined. We are on the same page, financially, our plans are in motion. We are completely empowered.

It's amazing what one little meeting with one dedicated and passionate man can do for a couple who once considered themselves hopeless from a financial standpoint.