The Two Week Wait

I'm really having a hard time focusing on much of anything. I've been working on my new online design portfolio so I can partner up with photographers and get my design business up and running before we move. (Which probably won't be happening before the baby(ies) come anyway.) After the transfer, I spent 2 days on couch-rest. The first day wasn't so bad, but the second day about killed me. It's one thing to be sick and not want to move. But I felt totally fine and it was frustrating toward the very end of Tuesday night. Around 10pm our best friends called us to tell us their little boy had arrived at 8:22 and that they'd love for us to come see them at the birthing center. (Super mama had a water birth!)

He was so unbelievably cute and tiny! We took a tour of the center after we finished visiting. It's exactly what I want. So calm, private, peaceful. The staff was very friendly. My friend looked amazing regardless of if she just gave birth or not. That is the kind of birth experience I want. As I held their little boy, I couldn't help but think that mine were growing strong inside of me right at that moment. I have babies. They are little tiny ones, but they are mine. They are ours.

As for symptoms, I'm really trying to remember that it's all probably in my head. Either way, though, I am extremely hot and tired all the time which means I'm irritable. Also, I had the most bizarre dream last night that's pretty embarrassing and I don't really think I want to remember it, so I'm just not going to write it down, but vivid bizarre dreams are a symptom too, right? My back and legs constantly ache and most of the time it's all I can do to keep my head up and my eyes open. I am eating the house down and I sobbed 8 times during The Sound of Music last night. It's all in my head, though, right? Right.

I'm not even looking up my due date.
Even though I really want to.

First blood draw is on Monday.
We find out if it worked on Wednesday.

This anticipation is by far the worst.

Picking Up the Kids

from my journal, July 24th 2011 -

There are two little babies inside of me right now! I wish I felt more different, but all I really feel is impatient. I wish they would make me sick or something. I've only been pregnant for a few hours. I'm sure eventually it will kick in. The transfer was wonderful today. We snuck in the back of church & my heart pounded for the entire hour. We left early so no one could have the chance to talk to me. It worked out perfectly. We left right after sacrament meeting, made a quick stop at home, said family prayer and went to pick up the kids. ") My mom came with us & I am so glad she did. She took pictures of everything. The nurse told me I needed to have a full bladder for the procedure & gave me a val.ium to take in the waiting room to help me relax.

I went back to the exam room and waited for the Dr. Right then, my dad called. I am so glad I got to talk to him! He and I chatted for a while. He said he had been and still was praying for me and our family and then laughed and told me to "go get pregnant." I love him. He always knows just what to say.

The procedure only took a few moments. The Dr. explained every part of the process while he did it and in went our 2 strong, healthy, brave little babies. Mr. gave me a blessing after everyone left (& they turned off the music in our room.)

I have faith that this has worked. Satan is fighting that faith hard right now, though, which makes me so grateful that I have kept such a good record. It is so easy to look back and see Heavenly Father's approval for all this. That alone brings me a lot of comfort. We came home, took naps, enjoyed delicious food brought by friends and watched movies. This is going to be a long 48 hours on bed rest, but it will be so worth it!

Grow Babies, Grow!

Pre-Transfer Update

I'm feeling pretty OK considering. I slept until about 6:30 and then dozed on and off until 9:30. I'm a little stressed about having a full bladder for the procedure. Timing things like that is always kind of rough. When I woke up this morning, all I could think was "It's all up to my body now, and my body does not feel ready for this. Not at all."

I slept for a while longer and Mr. went downstairs to prep my progesterone shot. When he came back up, I focused on my breathing and staying relaxed throughout the shot. As soon as Mr. pulled the shot out, I was overcome with the feeling that my body is now ready for this. I'm ready for this.

I asked Mr. to write his own update for this, but all he said was to put him down as saying, "Let's do this thing."

So yes, let's do this thing!

Honor

Yesterday, Mr. took me for a drive up the canyon to a cute little town. We ended up at a little hole-in-the-wall chinese place for dinner on a friend's recommendation. The food was incredible, and for a while, we were the only ones in the entire restaurant. It was perfection. We played footsie under the table, talked about how things were going to change after the transfer regardless of what happened, fed each other the best bites, and enjoyed the quiet.

We received our bill along with 2 fortune cookies. We each grabbed one, broke it, ate it, and read it.

Mr.'s said "Treat yourself to dessert 3 times a week."

Mine said "You will soon be appointed a great honor."

I don't give fortunes a whole lot of credit, but I was impressed with how applicable it was to my situation right now. I sure hope that great honor is the great honor I've been praying for all this time.

A Whole Basketball Team

Mr. and I decided to celebrate our actual embryos starting their little lives yesterday. 12 to be exact. I still can't get over that. TWELVE!

Before Mr. and I were even engaged, we were out to dinner with Mr.'s family at a little local restaurant. I'm not even sure if Mr. was holding my hand or anything, but a cute little old man behind us said, "You're going to have a whole basketball team!" (We're pretty tall.) We laughed and agreed with him, because even though there was no ring on my finger, we knew we were getting married. It makes me so happy to realize that while that dream of a basketball team has been so far off for the past 2.5 years, we are closer than ever to starting it. And we actually have the possibility of even having more than 1 member of the team! Wow. I am so grateful.

Mr. picked me up from work and we went to the library to pick out baby name books and went down to Sub Zero ice cream to cuddle up in a booth and pick out our favorite 12. We got a good laugh over some of the names in the books. So much so that I was laughing so hard my body was hurting. Tons of sharp pains all the way up to my shoulder, but I couldn't stop. We haven't been able to laugh like that in a long time. Probably because of all the stress we've been under lately. When I suggested the name "Keeyatas" we both completely lost it. I love laughing with Mr. His laugh is one of my favorite sounds in the world.

Our favorite 12, though, turned out pretty great.
Girls:

• Paige
• Ella Rae
• Amoret (<-- Mr. doesn't like this spelling, but I'm in love with it. I think it is so feminine and beautiful...almost romantic)
• Tenley
• Mikaylie (Mika <-- pronounced Micah)
• Aniston

Boys:

• Nash
• Granger (Gray)
• Anson
• Emmett
• Landin
• Rhett

Obviously, we won't be able to use all these, but it was sure fun to sit around and actually dream about our family again. We allowed ourselves to imagine the best case scenario and it felt so good. We're back to being cautiously optimistic, but we are already so in love with our little embryos! It makes my heart soar when Mr. prays for them to grow healthy and strong.

Sperm, Meet Eggs

We have 12 little embryos growing in the lab right now!!

I couldn't breathe all day. And I got temporarily paralyzed when I saw the clinic's number on my phone. The nurse said,

"Hello. I just wanted to call and give you an update. You gave us 35 eggs yesterday. 12 of those fertilized normally. We'll call tomorrow or Friday with another update. Please call us if you are worried about anything and we can check on them for you."

Ohmygosh we have 12 little babies growing right now. TWELVE!

That is unbelievable to me.

I am so glad my eggs and Mr.'s sperm like each other!

*After telling the family we had 12 embryos growing, my sister said "Mr. just got you prego 12 times. Not many men can say that."

Mr's Dad also just texted him, "WHO'S GOT THE BIG PISTOL NOW!?! TALK ABOUT A POWERFUL SHOTGUN!"

Morale is high over here.

Oh this has been a wonderful day!

Waiting...

We'll hear today how many eggs fertilized. I don't think I realized how anxious I would be today. I just want to know we still have a chance. Every phone call from here on out has the potential to be devastating. Since we have 35 eggs to work with, I'm hoping to stay focused on the fact that our chances are pretty great. There are a lot of prayers being said in my heart today. Please let the clinic call soon and give me the reassurance I need!

As far as how I'm feeling physically, I. AM. SORE. I haven't had to take any pain meds though, so it's really not that bad. The most obnoxious part of this entire thing is that I haven't had a bowel movement since the surgery. I know that often happens because of the anesthetic, but the pressure down there...? Ouch! I could barely move this morning. I'm hoping it settles down over the next few days. I think my body is angry at me for letting it be invaded.

Mr. gave me my first progesterone shot this morning. It's about an inch and a half long needle that goes in my rear. I was really nervous for it because the needle is so darn big, but it went great! I'm sure after a few more my bum will get more sore, but for now I'm just going to enjoy only having 1 shot a day.